


Long Nights, Daydreams

by thebluerain



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gen, it's hide POV, soft, you know i wrote this thinking about Hide's feeling in the last chap of tg:re
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 04:57:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15163154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluerain/pseuds/thebluerain
Summary: “You are brighter than the sun, Hide.”“Perhaps, I do really love you. More than I actually want to admit.”in which Hide questioned everything in his life.





	Long Nights, Daydreams

**Long Nights, Daydreams**

 

 

_“He made use of his experience with the CCG and TSC by travelling the world to speak about the work of united front and spread the word of peace._

_He remained friends with Kaneki Ken for the rest of his life.”_

 

 

The world kept on moving, rotating in its own, without stopping or pausing even for one second. Leaving everything behind and wrapping it in the name of memories. Memories were always there, so vividly filled every nook and cranny in his mind. The time where he wanted to go back, where everything was in a mess, but he found something that gave him peace in his heart.

 

The night fell deeper, the breeze that came bringing the chill against his body. It was quiet and serene, the world looked so peaceful and bright, a scenery he had long forgotten. He was sitting on the top of a skyscraper where he could see everything beneath it. He was glad, he could present this world, to change it better, and to lead something as big as peace and united. It never crossed his mind even once. In the past, his world only revolved around something small, around a certain person he labelled as _bestfriend forever_. This world wasn’t his, and would never become his but he was able to change it with his own hands. Why was he doing it? He didn’t understand, he may only want to protect the world where _he_ lived, the world where _his_ smile and happiness spread all over the place.

 

Because he already lost his own world.

 

 _Bestfriend forever_. That words kept on repeating in his mind, replaying over and over again like a broken radio. Why did it ache his heart? Wasn’t that something he protected all these years? The only thing he was willing to give up on everything, to sacrifice even his own body just for no one but his bestfriend. Someone who brought a composure in his life, a steady pace to keep his balance, the light that shone his dark life, giving him a vision to see clearly. Many scenarios came to his mind, so many what ifs and everything made him giddy. What if, what if, what if, what if. They couldn’t change anything. What did he want to change? He wasn’t sure, he couldn’t answer it. Once, he was asked “Why are you willing to go this far for Kaneki Ken?” he easily said “Because I love him” it was true, it was _still_ true. He _loved_ him so much that it drove him crazy. It planted the anxiety in his mind and it kept on growing, making him uneasy.  

 

“Ahh, I hate this.” He mumbled. The light in his eyes went dimmer, they looked so blue. What was he chasing after when everything turned to be so different? What did he expect to begin with? Did he wish to be loved? Did he wish to be looked back? Did he wish for him to stay? To live beside each other? To fill the years of the missing memory when they were away? He didn’t know.

 

“Hide?” a familiar voice entered his eardrums. He looked back and there was him, standing with his white hair getting swayed by the wind. Sometimes, he missed his black hair because it reminded him of the time when everything was so simple. The time when they knew nothing.

 

“I found you.” he added, sitting next to him.

 

“Why are you here?” Hide asked, looking at the other party.

 

“Looking for you.”

 

“Ehh, why?”

 

“You said you would stop by at our house.” _Crap._ He forgot about it. He was too busy with so many things going around his head, it felt like he could burst anytime soon.

 

“I’m sorry.” He uttered an apology.  “No need. My daughter was looking for you though.” Kaneki replied. He didn’t answer. Everything changed, everything he wished to remain unchanged change. Many what ifs, again, filled his mind overflowing like a crazy wave that destroyed the corals.

 

“Are you okay?” Kaneki asked, looking concerned, he only gave an “ehem” as the return.

 

“You don’t look okay, though.”

 

“Why?”

 

“How do I put this… you look frustrated?” Hide let a chuckle, he leaned forward to face the other closer “I’m okay!” Kaneki sighed.

 

“You still hate being unable to do anything, right?” he winked one eye. _And you can’t love me, can you?_ There was a dryness in his tone, Kaneki frowned, but he didn’t ask further. There was silence afterwards, both of them were busy with their own minds looking at the constellation above. The stars were spreading in the ultramarine sky, dark but beautiful.

 

“Hey, let’s go back.” Kaneki said, breaking the silence that was held for so long. Hide didn’t say anything, he was searching for words, his mouth wanted to say something, but the words stuck in his throat unable to be said.

 

“Say Kaneki.” There was a pause, the white haired guy was directly looking at him.

 

“If only I came faster…”

 

_Would you be mine?_

“… Would something change?” he asked hesitantly, he didn’t look at the other instead he was gazing far away. Kaneki stared at him in confusion, he knew he was being ridiculous, putting something as stupid as “what if”, even though he knew nothing would change.

 

“Maybe everything would end up faster.” He replied, as he expected it to be, but why did he feel disappointment crawling inside his heart? What did he expect?

 

“Just go first. I need to think of something.” he said after another silence, giving a smile which the other would never see again. But his eyes were empty, the light wasn’t there and it made Kaneki wondered.

 

“You know Hide, I’m not that oblivious person you think I am.” He patted his shoulder, Hide flinched, for both the touch and his words. What did he mean by that? What did he mean by that? That question was replaying in his mind, he looked above to find the white haired guy was smiling at him, a sincere smile. He melted. The sun was rising, the shard of the crimson spreading across the blue sky. It fell upon his orange-like hair, giving the effect of shining and twinkling. It was beautiful. Kaneki stepped ahead while Hide was looking at the horizon, where little by little the sun was appearing, sweeping away the chill the night left behind.

 

“Have I told you…” his voice hanging, Hide looked back. “You are brighter than the sun, Hide.” If his face wasn’t covered by the mask, if he still had the part of his lower face. Kaneki probably could see the blossom pinkish around his cheeks, under the light of the crimson that was now taking over the blue color in the sky. He didn’t turn back his head until the back of the other guy disappeared from his sight. Did he feel warm? Yes. It was warm, but suffocating at the same time. It was horrible. The feeling in his heart was killing him inside, he wished it perished from the earth, eaten by the darkness, and disappeared forever. So he could live without being confused and pathetic, he could live without such a feeling. But, could he?

 

“Perhaps, I do really love you. More than I actually want to admit.” He whispered. Seeing him finding his own happiness, building the heaven in this cruel world, he couldn’t help but proud. For him to grow and become someone big, the small little boy he greeted years ago, the small little boy he had grown up together, and later he had fallen in love with. To love him caused his chest to be stuffed, realizing that he wouldn’t feel the same way as he did. _Bestfriend forever._ It was probably the only thing he could offer until the day one of them died, and he hoped to be met again, in a world where everything would become more normal and ordinary, in a place where he wished he could be together. He didn’t know whether it was endless or unconditional, did he love him selflessly? But if he was given a question “Will you die for him?” he would say yes, without a second thought, without a doubt, because he was his world and he would protect everything for the sake of him. It was stupid and irrational, but he had been coming this far with his stupidity and irrationality, just for the idea of protecting him.

 

He just found his answer, didn’t he?

 

  **The End**

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk what i wrote tbh? but, hideyoshi deserves better :') and im still mad (yet i wrote something emo) and english is not my first language, so i know i make so many mistakes. i really love when someone gives me feedback, thank you.
> 
> anddd, my friend is gonna write kaneki's pov so i hope she will let me post it next time.


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